Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
