whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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