i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
