Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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