I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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