Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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