in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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