ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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