everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
