You can't special order awesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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