Will you blow on my dice?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
