I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was born a porn star she said
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
