how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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