he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
