I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
