butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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