I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
