Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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