Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
