did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
