So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
