I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
