just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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