Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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