I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
