Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
