i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
