fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
