Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
