He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
