At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
