I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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