It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
