why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
