the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
