I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
