i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
