Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
