I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
