Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
this hospital has no fireball
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
