My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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