Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this boner is exhausting
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
