wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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