I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
