sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
