I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
