Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
