There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
