its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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