Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
3pm strippers are depressing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
