he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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