dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
