Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
