Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Too much gin, very little bucket
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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