So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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