i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
