meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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