everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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