so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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