i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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