dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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