I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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