I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
