Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize