From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
