her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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