Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
