I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
