seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
