bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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