I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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