you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So many bounce houses so little time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
