did you get engaged???
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm at about main and main street
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
