I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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