i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
