you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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