I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
