i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Found the puke drawer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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