i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
