When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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