They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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